Hey White Women w/ Knitting Cult Lady and White Woman Whisperer | ep49 | Un-Gaslighting Whiteness

Listen to this episode from Hey White Women on Spotify. This episode brings Daniella Mestyanek Young and Rebecca into a candid conversation about cult dynamics, purity culture, whiteness, and the process of building communities rooted in truth rather than secrecy or shame. They unpack how cult logic—like the weaponization of secrets, unquestioned authority, and worship of the written word—maps onto broader systems like white supremacy and American culture. Daniella reflects on her work writing Uncultured and her upcoming projects, highlighting how her extreme experiences serve as an entry point for others to recognize parallels in their own lives. Rebecca emphasizes “un-gaslighting” as a practice—naming harmful cultural dynamics so people can break free from them. Together, they discuss credibility, community care, and how both survivors of cults and white women confronting systemic racism can take responsibility for their healing without centering competition or trauma-shaming. The conversation balances personal storytelling with calls to collective responsibility and imagination for healthier communities. Connect with Rebecca at: The White Woman Whisperer Website   The White Woman Whisperer Patreon   The White Woman Whisperer TikTok   Connect with Daniella at: You can read all about that story in my book, Uncultured-- buy signed copies here. https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured For more info on me: Patreon: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Cult book Clubs (Advanced AND Memoirs) Annual Membership: https://bit.ly/YTPLanding Get an autographed copy of my book, Uncultured: https://bit.ly/SignedUncultured Get my book, Uncultured, from Bookshop.org: https://bit.ly/4g1Ufw8 Daniella’s Tiktok: https://bit.ly/4bwvNC0  Instagram:  https://bit.ly/4ePAOFK / daniellamyoung_  Unamerican video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/YTVideoBook Secret Practice video book (on Patreon): https://bit.ly/3ZswGY8 Fundraiser for Culting of America book publishing https://tr.ee/fldwYRFTJ Key Takeaways Secrets as a red flag: Both cults and oppressive systems often rely on secrecy and silencing. Naming and sharing truth is a liberating act. Worship of the written word: Blind adherence to texts (like the Bible or Constitution) enables harm; authority must be questioned, not just accepted because it’s written. Community building: Daniella and Rebecca frame their work as “un-gaslighting,” affirming survivors’ stories without gatekeeping what counts as “real” trauma. Relatability as entry point: Daniella’s extreme cult background creates credibility, but the deeper goal is helping everyday people recognize how white supremacy and patriarchy function in subtler ways. Responsibility in whiteness: White women in particular must deconstruct their complicity in white supremacy and should see themselves as “graduate students” learning, not professors teaching. Trauma without competition: Healthy communities don’t shame members for their trauma or create hierarchies of suffering. Credibility and confidence: Both speakers reflect on moving past needing external validation (degrees, books, male approval) and instead trusting their lived expertise. Sustainable activism: Both stress pacing, safety, and intentionality—choosing to build platforms that reach the right people rather than chasing universal approval. Chapters 00:00 Defending Perspectives and Building Platforms 02:54 The Value of Self-Identification and Expertise 05:59 The Role of Written Word and Capitalism 08:55 Secrets, Trauma, and Community 11:53 Cult Survivorship and Storytelling 14:32 Building a Supportive Community 17:41 Worship of the Written Word and Its Implications 20:41 Navigating Trauma and Identity 25:50 Navigating Perceptions and Identity 26:56 The Power of Saying No 29:21 Purity Culture and Its Implications 31:13 The Role of Authority in Religion 33:54 Establishing Credibility and Expertise 37:28 Audience Engagement and Reactions 39:59 Understanding Authoritarianism and Voting Behavior 42:52 The Role of Influencers in Social Change 53:47 Collaboration and Visibility in Activism 54:34 Bridging the Gap in Conversations 57:57 The Role of White Creators in Deconstructing Whiteness 01:00:55 Understanding Achievement Addiction and Its Implications 01:03:45 Redefining Cults and Coercive Control 01:07:41 Using Privilege for Positive Change 01:09:34 The Power of Collective Action 01:12:37 Navigating Conversations on Race and Privilege Produced by Haley Phillips