Fight Right: The Science of Healthy Conflict | Drs. John and Julie Gottman

Listen to this episode from 10% Happier with Dan Harris on Spotify. Conflict doesn’t have to suck. These iconic relationship researchers tell us how.  Fight Right: How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection is the name of a new book by esteemed guests Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman. They are the co-Founders of The Gottman Institute and have completed over 40 years of research with more than 3,000 couples. John is the researcher; Julie the clinician. They have written several books together, including Eight Dates and The Love Prescription. Even though the majority of the Gottmans’ research is on couples, the advice is applicable to all types of relationships.   In this episode we talk about: The three principle conflict styles Why we often don’t understand what it is we’re fighting about Perpetual problems vs. Solvable problems Why the first three minutes of an argument are key  The simple sentence to use at the beginning of an argument How to downregulate defensiveness in an argument Why the Gottmans’ believe there is no such thing as constructive criticism Why apologizing quickly isn’t always the right move When a fight might spell the end  Related Episodes: Dan Savage on how to handle disappointment in your relationships, how to get better at sex, and why “a couple” is an Illusion Lori Brotto on mindful sex Devon and Craig Hase on how not to be a hot mess Myisha Battle on love, sex, dating, and relationship myths Sign up for Dan’s weekly newsletter here Follow Dan on social: Instagram, TikTok Ten Percent Happier online bookstore Subscribe to our YouTube Channel Our favorite playlists on: Anxiety, Sleep, Relationships, Most Popular Episodes For tickets to Dan Harris: Celebrating 10 Years of 10% Happier at Symphony Space: click here Full Shownotes: http://tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/gottmans-726