44. Why bad behaviour is rarely bad at all (and how to respond instead)

Listen to this episode from ADHD Mums on Spotify. ⚡ Sticker charts, punishments, time-outs — most ADHD mums have tried them. And most of us have felt the gut-punch of guilt when they “don’t work.” But here’s the truth: what looks like “bad behaviour” is usually a dysregulated nervous system asking for help, not a child trying to make life harder .In this episode, Jane speaks with psychologist Leanne Tran about why conventional behaviour strategies fail ADHD kids, how shame sneaks in, and what parents can do instead. Together, they reframe “naughtiness” as communication — and offer practical tools for scaffolding, connection, and regulation .What We Cover in This EpisodeWhy ADHD behaviour challenges are about regulation, not defianceThe limits of sticker charts and why they often backfirePunishment vs reinforcement: why one creates shame, the other builds skillsHow to support kids before chaos — scaffolding, structure, and skill-buildingQuick-win strategies for meltdowns: novelty, humour, and breaking stress loopsBoundaries vs values: why flexibility matters when ADHD is in the mixWhy behaviour isn’t a reflection of your parenting — and how to drop the shameThis Episode Is For You If…You’ve spent money on sticker charts, pens, and rewards — only to feel like you failed when they didn’t workYou’re sick of judgment from schools, family, or strangers about your child’s behaviourYou want alternatives to punishment that don’t just pile on shameYou struggle with consistency yourself and feel guilty for not “parenting perfectly”You need tools that actually work for ADHD kids — and for ADHD mums who can’t parent like robotsReferences & Resources MentionedLeanne Tran’s Website → https://www.leannetran.com.auFollow Leanne on Instagram → @leannetranpsychologyFree resources → learn.leannetran.com.au/freeLean’s Upcoming Webinar: Next steps for parents of neurodivergent kids - 10th of every month at 7pmPsychoeducation Courses (50% off with code ADHDMUMS):Supporting Your ADHD Primary SchoolerSupporting Your ADHD TeenagerJOIN THE COMMUNITY:Have questions or want to connect with other ADHD mums? Join our supportive Facebook group here and dive into the conversation. No question is too small, and I love answering in a group format!FOLLOW FOR MORE:Get daily tips, insights, and relatable content for ADHD mums by following me on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok or YouTubeLEAVE A REVIEW:Love this episode? Your review means everything! It helps other