Sex After Kids: Rebuilding Intimacy with Ally Bullock (184)

Listen to this episode from Connection Codes on Spotify. In this vulnerable and empowering conversation, host Tera Wages sits down with Ally Bullock — licensed marriage and family therapist, Head of Relationships at Paired, and creator of Relationships with Ally. Together, they unpack the realities of sex and intimacy after parenting. From mismatched desire and the weight of invisible labor, to the science behind stress and sexual satisfaction, Ally shares practical strategies couples can use to reconnect. Listeners will hear real-life stories, expert insights, and powerful tools — like co-regulation rituals, responsive desire reframes, and scheduling intimacy — that can transform the way partners approach connection in the busiest seasons of life.Chapters:00:00:00 - Welcome to Connection Codes Podcast00:00:27 - Meet Aly Bullock00:01:50 - 45% of parents report less intimacy00:03:58 - Aly's Background: A marriage and family therapist with the Paired app00:05:48 - Aly's Personal Story: Marriage, three kids, and "chaotic" life00:07:28 - How does sex change after kids?00:08:13 - Why Intimacy Decreases00:09:00 - Feeling "touched out" after 10 years of pregnancy/nursing00:10:17 - Desire Types: Spontaneous vs. responsive desire explained00:12:55 - Use a shared note to "brain dump" the mental load00:15:47 - Reframing Expectations: Embrace a new normal post-kids00:17:45 - Why to Schedule Sex00:19:06 - Study: A mother's stress predicts lower sexual satisfaction for both partners00:20:00 - A New Approach: Schedule "intimacy time," not just sex00:24:08 - A Moment of Empathy: Tera's husband experiences overstimulation00:25:37 - Tip for Overstimulation: Co-regulation with back-to-back breathing00:28:03 - Use AirPods with relaxing music during sex00:28:53 - Study: Small, daily intimate acts boost satisfaction00:30:18 - Identity Matters00:31:21 - Tip on Identity: Separate your "parent" and "partner" roles00:32:21 - Intimacy can get better with time00:41:41 - Recap: A summary of the episode's key tips00:42:13 - Resource: The Paired app's "Recharge Your Sex Life" course00:42:57 - How to Connect with AlyLinks and Resources:Relationship with Aly Website:Aly on InstagramAly on ⁠LinkedIn⁠:⁠ Aly BullockGet Paired at 25% off: http://www.paired.com/alypodcastDownload the Core Emotion Wheel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://youtube.com/@connectioncodes?si=phORYBsGMOOrj9mA⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find out how to become a Certified Coach:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://connectioncodes.co/certified-coaching⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find a coach:⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://connectioncodes.co/coaches#find-a-coach-menu⁠