Divine Inferno on Knowingless

I wanted to say something to this effect too—because I’m very “rah rah rah” in favor of sex positivity and sexuality as a very natural and normal thing for everyone to share with as many people as feels right to them, and I still had moments reading this where I was mildly alarmed, on a visceral level, by the sense that this identity pervades every aspect of the lives of the people in it (and by glimmers of the sort of privilege that often exists alongside polyamory—chicken/egg, since folks with the level of financial security and mental space to focus on the self-actualization and emotional intelligence are the ones who can make polyamory work—but it triggers my fundamentalist childhood concept of evil as this decadent, unrestricted hedonism). So, for those who will be similarly triggered by this piece, let me assure you that the intimacy, generosity, warmth and care Aella hints at here extend beyond the world of sex, orgies, and harems, and even those of us who don’t identify as sluts per se find what we’re looking for. My polyamory is centered around the idea that every connection we make with every person out there is sacred and has its own potentiality which may or may not include a sexual connection—but that’s not for anyone to decide besides the people in question; and furthermore, that the caution and distance often involved in curtailing any possibility of a sexual connection can disrupt even platonic connections in ways that cut us off from one another and interrupt the natural flow of love, sexual or otherwise, in this world. I believe that even people who don’t want to have sex with more than one person would benefit from releasing their chokehold on their partner’s relationship possibilities, as well as their own, not because they should be having more sex, but because the limitations they impose on themself and the person they are most committed to loving, supporting and uplifting are detrimental to both individual and collective spiritual well being. People are partially afraid of engaging with polyamory because it makes too much sense to them, and they are afraid of what they desire and don’t think they can be trusted with it—and this is why they don’t think their partner should, either. What they don’t understand on a visceral level is that by letting go, they are not opening themselves up to violation, but to real choices instead of safe ones. Monogamy, as it is classically practiced, isn’t so much about loyalty as it is about voluntarily closing yourself off to connections out of fear that you won’t be “loyal” in this narrow, prescribed way, which in reality has nothing to do with being a good partner (and that is part of why so many monogamous people struggle to be faithful, even after vowing they will—because on some level, they sense it is a lie that loyalty is best expressed by refusing to acknowledge that there are other possibilities for connection out there, some of which could be very beautiful, soulful, satisfying and gratifying for everyone involved, if only everyone were free.)