Erin on Ayana’s Substack

I’m so sorry to hear about Luna. I deleted my Instagram after the election, so it’s nice to see you check in here occasionally and see what’s going on, even if it’s this awful news. I think you hit the nail on the head: you wouldn’t judge someone else for experiencing grief in however they experience it, so there’s absolutely no reason to judge yourself. Grief is grief and it’s HARD. I think it’s also natural for some people to try to minimize their own difficult experiences in light of other suffering. I do it constantly about everything. It takes someone else pointing out that, yes, actually, something was hard and awful and it’s ok to acknowledge that as a reality to snap me back and allow myself to say “yes, I can be angry/sad/scared even if what I experienced isn’t as bad as [real or hypothetical].” My sort of personal rule is just that my own perception of my hard experiences should never be used to one-up someone else’s, which actually helps because then what’s expressed is hopefully perceived (and intended) to be more pure empathy. Again, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.